On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had a serious problem. He had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. The Stewardess noticed that he was walking with short steps and had a look of pain on his face. "Sir," she said, "you may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." He would have promised anything and said so.
The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there savoring the feeling, he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW,WA,PP, and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist.
He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed it's pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
He knew he was in a hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face. "What happened?" he exclaimed. "You pushed one too many buttons," replied the nurse. "The last button marked ATR was an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your testicles are under your pillow.
If you're ever faced with a forced landing at night, turn on the landing lights to see the landing area. If you don't like what you see, turn 'em back off.
Cessna pilots are always found in the wreckage with their hand around the microphone.
Hovering is for pilots who love to fly but have no place to go.
Instrument flying is an unnatural act probably punishable by God. -- Gordon Baxter
Fly it until the last piece stops moving.
If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/classic helicopter fly-ins? -- Jim Tavenner
On a quiet night you can hear a Cessna corrode. -- PilotPA-20
The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
I want to die like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
Flying at night is the same as flying in the day, except you can't see.
You know they invented wheelbarrows to teach FAA inspectors to walk on their hind legs. -- Marty Caidin
Leader; Bandits at 2 o'clock! Roger; It's only 1:30 now. What'll I do 'til then? -- Calvin
To go up, pull the stick back. To go down, pull the stick back harder.
Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed.
What is that mountain goat doing way up here in the clouds? -- Gary Larson
A thunderstorm is never as bad on the inside as it appears on the outside. It's worse. A thunderstorm is never as bad on the inside as it appears on the outside. It's worse.
You can only tie the record for flying low.
Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
Yes, your bathtub is more dangerous than flying, but it's rare to be killed by shredding aluminum and burning aviation fuel in there.
Twins are very safe. There's always enough power in the remaining engine to take you directly to the crash site.
Controller "Aircraft on final, are you a Cessna?" Pilot "Uh..............No!...............I'm a male,........... Hispanic".
Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV. -- A DC-9 captain trainee attempting to check out on the "glass" A-320.
Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait. - A. Whitney Brown
"What is the difference between an Airbus A-320, and a Black & Decker chain saw? About 1,320 trees a minute.
"A human being is the best computer available to place in a spacecraft....
It is also the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor." -- Werner Von Braun.
"Cessna 123YZ, are you the Skymaster?"
The Cessna driver replied, "My instructor says that I am very good, but I don't think that I would be considered the skymaster."
Flying is like sex - I've never had all I wanted but occasionally I've had all I could stand.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. -- Mark Russell