Jokes - Psychology

Signs That Your Lifestyle Is Unhealthy - You go to give blood and two gallons of pure lard come out. - You get winded from exercising your right to vote. - When you go to McDonald's, they give you a reserved table. - The roaches in your apartment go on rent strike until you fix the rat problem. - The VD clinic has you on a Buy One Get One Free program. - When your teeth are so yellow, you can't tell where they end and the mashed corn begins. - Your blood type is "vodka." - Your speed dial includes The Mayo Clinic, the Betty Ford Center, and the Psychic Friends Network. Before you read this, decide what your favorite color is. No looking ahead or changing your mind, either. Got it? OK, read on...Your Favorite color is the "Key to Your Sexual Life" The clothes you wear, your home furnishings and the car you drive all give clues to your sexual personality. The key is the colors you select for your possessions. Most people claim they haven't a favorite color. But look around you, and you'll notice a pattern, especially in your clothing and home decor. The predominant color for you is the one that appears most frequently it's the one that mirrors the sexual you. A panel of psychologists, explained the association between color and sexual patterns. RED: ----- People who like red tend to be tigers in the sack. They are easily aroused and enjoy sex in every way imaginable. Once the sexual spark is ignited, it may take hours to extinguish. When two reds get together, the ensuing erotica could make Lady Chatterly blush. Lovers of red tend to be aggressors and weaker colors should be aware. YELLOW: ------- If you tend to favor yellow, your sexual drives are complex and turn toward the adaptable. The favorite color of homosexuals is yellow. But don't panic-not everyone who wears yellow is gay. In most cases the person will consent to the stronger partner's desires in a passive manner. You will never enjoy sex to the fullest, but you will never turn down an invitation from somebody you enjoy or admire. PINK: ---- Persons who like pink show a reluctance to mature in sexual matters: women tend to tease, to promise more than they intend to deliver. In some cases they flaunt their femininity-but because they secretly hate men. A great percentage of prostitutes boast entire wardrobes in pink. Men who like pink are the philanderers and flirts. They are the type who will make three dates for the same evening and not keep one, preferring to pick up someone in some bar instead. Women whose husbands like pink should keep a secret nest egg. PURPLE: ---- Lovers of purple frequently consider themselves to be too sophisticated for a fun romp in the sack. Women sometimes are the type who hate to mess their hair. Men are businesslike in their approach to lovemaking. In both sexes purple partners are more concerned with their fulfillment than anyone else's gratification. BLACK: ---- Black color preferences point to black sex (not necessarily meaning black partners). These people are the misfits of the sex world and seek out each other in kinship. They tend to prefer perverted sex and are usually masochistic or sadistic in nature. They are moody people and often perform at their peak when under stress or during unhappy times. Police psychiatrists claim that sex offenders prefer the color black. And it is no coincidence that the uniform of mobsters and teenage gangs is black attire. GREEN: ---- Those who prefer green are fresh and innocent in their approach to sex. Women who love green will always make love like virgins all their life. And a man may always be a trifle clumsy and awkward but in a charming and endearing sort of way. Green lovers are gentle, but not passionate. If chosen as a mate, one will never need worry about infidelity. ORANGE: ---- Lovers of the color orange lean toward sexual fantasies. The sex act is regarded as a dramatic one-act play in which they are the star. Foreplay is as important as the act of love. They whisper sweet nothings, meaningless dialogue; they feel it is their image. Orange people often do not experience orgasm-but they put on a darn good act. Men tend to pull their partner's hair, and women leave red welts on the sex partner's back. BROWN: ---- If you love brown, you're a real treasure for the right mate. Brown lovers tend to be warm and deep, sensitive to the needs and desires of their partners. Love is a 24 hour a day thing, where you can't say "I love you" Snuggling by the fire, walking in the rain or catching snowflakes on their tongue is a turn-on to a lover of brown. They need lots of time and privacy to make love. But their emotions are such that one harsh word could end the affair. GREY: ---- The color grey a preferred by people who are indecisive. They can't get excited about anything-including color-so they choose a noncommittal shade. Men who prefer grey look at sex as a way of relieving tension-but nothing more, nothing less. It's wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Women don't make love, they have intercourse. And for one of two reasons: to accommodate their mate, or to become pregnant. They count the cracks in the bedroom plaster until the sex act is over with and done. But when teamed with another color, the grey spouse considers the other's infidelity a blessing. When a grey marries another grey, the marriage is made in heaven. BLUE: --- Lovers of blue are wonderful sex partners. They are sincere, affectionate and sensitive to their partner's needs. They consider lovemaking a fine art and their approach is elegant. Men who love blue are like concert pianists, delicately ravaging their partner like they would play a baby grand. Women in the blue category enjoy sex to the fullest. They are exciting partners but their passion may be compared to a tidal wave rather than fiery aggression. Both women and men enjoy foreplay and the aftermath of lovemaking, as much as the sex act itself. In marriage a blue person is a wonderful mate-never seeking outside interests. WHITE: ---- If a person is infatuated with white, sex often seems filthy. These people are puritanical in nature. French kissing is obscene and to make love in the daylight is unheard of. Women who love white will undress beneath the covers. Men will shower before and after the sex act. These people still use pet names for their genitals.

Smart test!

You think you're smart? Try this out...Read this sentence:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFI-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

Now, count the F's in that sentence. Count only once, don't go back a 2nd time.

 

 

 

 

answer below

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ANSWER:

There are six F's in the sentence.
A person of average intelligence finds three of them.
If you spotted four, you're above average.,
If you got five, you can turn your nose at most anybody.
If you caught all six, you're a genius. There is no catch.
Many people forget of the 'OF"s. The human brain
tends to see them as V's and not F's.
Pretty weird, huh?
There are only 4 questions, and if you scan all the way to the end before finishing you won't get the honest results. Scroll slowly and do each exercise. Don't look ahead. Get pencil and paper to write down your answers. You will need it at the end. This is an honest quiz, that will tell you about your true self. ****************************************************** Chapter I. Arrange the following 5 animals according to your preference: Cow Tiger Sheep Horse Monkey ******************************************************* Chapter II Write one word to describe each of the following: Dog Cat Rat Coffee Ocean ******************************************************* Chapter III Think of somebody (who also knows you) that you can relate to the following colors: (Please don't repeat your answer twice. Name only one person for each color.) Yellow Orange Red White Green ******************************************************* Chapter IV Finally, indicate your favorite number and favorite day of the week. ******************************************************* Are you done?? Make sure your answers are what you TRULY feel.......Last chance..... See interpretations below: But before going on, repeat your wish! ******************************************************* Chapter I This will define your priorities in life Cow means career Tiger means pride Sheep means love Horse means family Monkey means money ******************************************************* Chapter II Your description of Dog implies your own personality Your description of Cat implies your partner's personality Your description of Rat implies your enemies personality Your description of Coffee is how you interpret relations with the opposite sex Your description of Ocean implies your own life ******************************************************* Chapter III Yellow - somebody who will never forget you Orange - someone whom you can consider as your real friend Red - someone you really love White - your soulmate Green - a person whom you will remember for the rest of your life. ****************************************************** Chapter IV You have to send this to as many people as your number states, and your wish will come true on the day you stated.